Same to Different

Out of the same eyes, I am suppose to start seeing things differently…
Out of the same heart, I am suppose to start feeling differently about people…
Out of the same mind, I am suppose to start thinking differently about everything…

I guess you hope all that would evolve.
For clarity to come in
For love to come in
For wisdom to come in
..and help form the shapeless mess you have bottled inside.
Help make sense of the past to help you walk a lit path to tomorrow.

Fields; 2011

Memories have weights-
some lie heavy on your mind.
Usually those sting.
Some are weightless,
they flutter,
they fly,
they move around.
Usually those make you smile.

I guess the host of such-
is in a journey,
a main character in their story,
a background character in another’s,
a bee in a hive,
a bird in the sky,
or a flower in a field.

I think, today…I want to be the flower
and I want my happy memories to carry me in the wind.

Hope?; 2011

“Forever ago” will be today, one day…
this is a statement of hope.

But time is a slow healer
and wounds are overtaking my healthy mind.

—
Punk rock music pouring itself in my ears is just feeding to my already disturbed thoughts

I wish such nonsense…just made sense…

I also wish I wasn’t crying in a coffee shop.
I wish I liked tea.
I wish I liked wine.
I wish I knew what was good for me.

Sea

vast empty world,
don’t swallow me whole.
…
sitting helpless
sitting hopeless,
yet all of life’s wonders are simple thoughts wrapped in shallow complexities.

I sit here lost in a beautiful moment
where I feel the waves roar
as if to warn
me.
As if to take
me.
The moon stares with its obscure glow.
Not shining down,
but with it’s simple glare- luring me…

If there exist a nicer way to leave your soul on paper, I know not.
Pen driven by my heart,
soul-crying melody from a neighboring guitar.
Waves roaring
Wind wrestling with my hair.
Lightly dim sky- shining just enough,
and in all selfishness- I’d say that moon..
is shining just for me.
Gazing.
Lost.
I find myself so lost in a trance,
a beautiful trance,
that grips my stare,
and cleanses me as if the sea pours itself into me…
I know now that the rushing waters don’t wish to swallow me whole
but to be swallowed…
To fully take in life’s moments, don’t let circumstances consume you.
Consume these moments.

Pain & Pleasure; 2010

I take my hurt one day at a time.
One ache at a time.
One sting at a time-
to bear later days.

But I welcome happiness in spoonfuls. Bucket Loads.
As much as my heart can possibly take.
Overflow is okay.

However, life does not give us our recommended dosage of either.

At times- infinite hurt pours in and we need both hands to cover our face,
and not for shame..
but because immature hiding seems more practical these days.

While the happiness comes in fleeting poofs of smoke-
leaving as soon as it comes…
Odorless, and a memory I can all but grasp.

My sky is cloudless
and the sun is beaming rays of utterly detestable heat that burns by just thought of it.

All in all,
To conclude,
In conclusion,
To FINALize,

All comes, all goes
Some stay, some leave
What remains is – confusion-
followed by moments of enlightenment
with further confusion.

And I dance on daisy fields, happily expecting a prickly weed or two.
Such pain is worth such delight.

Dirt; 2009

Understated hurt, reaches surface in due time,

with further sting,

and further ticks for healing.

“Is it always this hard?” – They ask.

“Harder” – My reply.

Life can’t be gentle.

Don’t want it to be,

Rough waves build character.

All everlasting and admirable qualities form.

When life is “good” – much of those fruits fade.

Beautiful. More lovely of a world, I don’t know exists.

We are the dirt of this earth.

Let all fault fall on that truth.

The Redeemer wipes us clean

Letting the Heart Lead; 2010

The happiness penetrated the scene.

It led my eyes to the rainbow sitting high.

Consumed me, feet first, and stopped at my heart-

it knew my mind wouldn’t agree.

The reality, was not real at all.

Dreams are fleeting.

Reality takes nothing into account.

The thought is flawed.

Momentum is ever the risk.

My Ode to “Lost”

My Ode to “Lost” (by Coldplay)

I guess “complexity” doesn’t begin to explain it.

I guess the growing flame is not enough to burn the house, enough to cause a scene.

Flickering is not instability.

“Lost” is not forever.

And I find peace in this.

Waves turn, up close. Roar even.

Yet are still from afar.

All falls into its purpose.

We are not chained forcefully, forever.

To be free – can be free

We give prices to everything.

The gun is in our hands.

Bullets are in our minds.

“Just because I’m losing doesn’t mean I’m lost”

Sky; 2009

The darkest hues paint the sky.

I’ve fallen helpess before it, captured.

Drawn into its vastness.

Lured by its beauty.

Taken by its mystery.

If I can unlock any of its secrets- I wouldnt.

It’s the uncertainty, the comparison-

that weakens me,

that humbles me,

while revitalizing me- sending electric shocks when I’m complacent.

God’s creations are beyond thought.

Beyond all else, we stand as a SPECK on this temporary stay.

We are visitors.

We are aliens.

And we are nothing, alone.

We are everything, with Him.

The skies speak such truths.

Drained; 2008

Restless, running on empty

Mindless, thinking quietly

Spineless, crying softly

Hopeless, falling short

All will pass, I tell myself.

All will pass? I ask myself.

How painful the ticks of the clock.

How slow the healing.

Tears don’t dry fast enough..

New worries sit on old mistakes..

Tired and drained.

Change, find me.

Happiness, find me.

I wrongly defined it and I wish I hadn’t.

Happiness is a seldomly available drug.